Pena Crazy1

Hi! This page is where I put on my novel/ short story writing skills peeps. Syok sendiri je.. Just telling you ahead in case your blogwalking parade is not supposed to be here ahahaaa. But if you can and would love to stay longer, then enjoy!! 

His hands held mine

It wasn't planned. It happened just as natural as I wake up in the morning and get ready to live my life. It wasn't what I prayed everyday or dreamed of every night. It just came and then gone like the wind, before I could even think of holding on or letting go. It wasn't sweet nor bitter. It wasn't fairy tale.

It was the truth.

It was you.

******************************************

"Wake up!!"

His eyes. His ears. His chin. His face.

They were all there. Right in front of me. Stuck between the thick blanket and my pillow. He smelled like the bun I bought from the store right down the apartment the day before, and blueberry jam with peanut butter. He's already in his uniform, ready to start the day off. Without me, at least for another half of the day.

"You are gonna be late for work, again!" he grinned and pulled the blanket away from me and walked out of the room. His small steps echoed farther away before they stopped in the middle of the other room. I guess he was reaching for my work outfits which I've ironed and prepared the night before. The same way he did yesterday and countless other days since we were together.

I stayed still. It was Friday and my day off which I took with no reason. I have no intention to inform him though I guess I would have to, a few minutes later. He always caught things up fairly fast and I have had several fail attempts to keep secrets away from him before. The same reason how he knew of the new challenging manager which I was currently partnered with at work.

"I'll pick you up today, is that ok?" I said, as soon as he walked into the room with my cloth.

"Why? Your office is like 30km aw...." He stopped and turned towards me. I smiled. "You are on leave today? Why don't you tell me? I'd like to take a leave too!"

"Why would you want a leave too?" Not like he is working anyway.

"I want to hook up with you!"

His careless words surprised me. Too much movies and television did have some weird effect to children, and the internet did it too. He had just got his excellent exam result and was offered a place in a boarding school in a few months later. I remember dreading the fact that he refused the offer without even trying to tell me why. We had a good argument at dinner table just a few week ago which ended with him apologizing and jokingly ask me not to marry someone before he gets to know him first. I remember thinking he was going to say before he got to know some girl for him to get married to.

"Are you at the age of hooking up with girl now? And where do you even learn to use that word?"

"I'm 12 and girls do like me at school and the tuition classes"

"Hehehh.. all right. Good for you Mr 12!"

"I still want to join you today... Ummi!"

I woke up from the bed and start walking towards the bathroom. They are clean and spotless. He must have been cleaning the house and my room when I was outstationed for two weeks and just came back last night. He is a clean and tidy freak. A trait I do not have at all. My mum had always love the fact that this very grandson of her is a good cleaner and diligently clean everything after meal. He could even cook a nice fish curry, his own favorite delicacy.

"You are all ready to go, aren't you? I heard the principal need you to do something for the school program next year. Besides, I plan to just drive myself lazy today. Still interested?"

"I can always not going, they are just club activities. Pleasssseeee...!"

"OK"

"Yeyyy!! Love you Ummi! Love you so much! So where are we going to get lazy?"

"Urmmm... you decide. Please let me know after I finish shower"

"Yes maam!"

*****************************************

We are going out to play again! We have been doing this a lot lately and she is smiling a lot than she usually did. I know she is tired and wanted to rest for the whole day but I can't refuse her presence. I hope I grew up faster so I can hold a license to drive her around and everywhere we go. I love her more and more though she may not even be aware of that. I hope she stayed with me like this for a longer time, maybe forever. I hope no one tried to separate us again.I have no other mom. Ummi is my mom. Ummi is everything to me. Ummi is what I want for a mom, a friend and a lover. Ummi is my world.

*****************************************

We ended at the nearest mall, grabbing lunch and window shopping without any real plan. He looked as if he was enjoying our nothing-to-do off day. Or maybe it was just me that hope so. Or perhaps we really and truly are two people of two different generations that matched each other while doing basically nothing to end the day. Two basically unrelated people prior to two months ago.

While wandering wherever we see fit around the mall, hand in hand, my phone kept persistently vibrating in my back pocket. I have no problem ignoring the call or any calls. Especially when someone as special as him was smiling brightly to me while occasionally gently tugging my hand because I was slowing his pace. That is a quality I am super proud of, neglecting calls. The vibration however, still managed to draw frowns across my uneven lips, and I have no idea how he'll think of it.. if he sees it. How I wish he was some other average kids who have little care about feelings and depressions at times like this. But he isn't. He is a mind reader, just like his dad. So I struggled and did my best to show him a poker face, a mom's poker face. Though I can't help having my mind travelling back in time to episodes of our life that I hate and despise the most.

"Hey Mr 12, tell me about your girlfriend"

"... What? I don't have any"

" You said many girls like you.."

"Oo yeah. But I'm not hooking up with any of them. They made so much noises, you will not like them"

I thought about our start. I thought of how short our camaraderie will live on, how it will be carved into his memory. I thought about who's heart will be more severely broken, once this peaceful time of ours is stopped. I thought about how unfair his life will be, if he truly loves me. If he truly cherish our time together. If he truly understand what he had been through and what he still has to go through.

"Ahahaa you have good thinking there, I love sleeping so noises are biiiig problems. However just a reminder. 'Hooking up' should be replaced with.. maybe something like ' be together' if you are referring to people staying or doing things together "

"Why? I heard people say that all the time"

"People who? TV? Well, those are bad, slang words. Just let grown-ups use them. Later when you've grown up, you may not even want to use them freely"

I thought about how he will look like once he becomes adult. Will he take more of his father's high eyebrow or his mom's pointy chin? Will he still remember me and the short time we spent together? Will he blame me for taking him in with all my might and fight just to let him go when the time stop?and still not telling him the truth?

"OK ummi. You always have your reason, so I'll take your advise"

Will he despise me?

"Or you can try using that words by saying them out loud and see how people respond to you"

Will he forgive me?

"No, no, no ummi. I'll save that for public speaking later. Can we watch a movie today? Kungfu?"

Will he ever understand?

"I thought you still have your unfinished movie marathon list at home"

Will he still loves me?

"But ummi never watched them with me. Let's watch a movie together, ok? My friends watch that Kungfu movie with their families. It sounds really fun!" he tugs my hands gently and swings them left to right. I stared at him until he blushed and turned away. My win. I couldn't help myself from grinning wider than usual. He is a boy at twelve to act that cute, even though he is a bit smaller than other boys his age. I don't recall behaving that way when I was twelve. At that age, I was taught to start thinking and acting like grown ups. Twelve was the first gateway to adulthood, I thought.

I am not and perhaps will never get used to child tricks. My family always knew this side of me which could be why my rare presence in his birthday parties was never an issues. I am not a mother after all, until now. I wonder if his parents ever give in to every request from him. I remember all those not so many times that I saw him with his mom and dad working a family unit while I thought to myself, were they happy? Were they living a full, ideal and contempt life since they were a complete family? His mom never showed her affection for him when I was around, at least when my eyes were feasting on them. Was he really a little bundle of joy, a gift to his mom and dad? Was he the bridge that always put the family intact?

"Fine, my blushing Mr. 12. We'll watch a movie today. But no Kungfu. I don't want anybody kicking my ceramics and glasses at home" I saw his faced turned up and brighten with a smile. And that was soothing. He nodded several times which I took as a statement that he does not care what movies to watch. He just want us to watch movies together. "Let's watch that galaxy spaceship things and maybe learn some outerspace stuff. Later if you had fun, we can go stargazing if you are interested"

Would it still be fun later when I have to let go of his little hands?

*****************************************************************

I watched a space movie today and it was fun. Ummi told me about galaxies like milky way and andomeda and said that we can try to see clouds of stars at night. She wanted to go and do stargazing. I don't know what stargazing is but I am sure that is going to be fun. Just like when we went to a spinning tower last year. Whatever ummi does are always fun. Ummi does all the fun things alone by herself before. Dad always told me stories of Ummi and her adventures. That she went to places full of ice and colorful sky. She also went to see the pyramids and the place where dinosaurs died. I want to be adventurous and do fun things too. I want to see places and tell stories about them.

I want to go with ummi too.

I dont want ummi to go alone.

*****************************************************************

Days after our short camaraderie getaway, I was back to my usual office life. Handling endless paper works, phone calls, unnecessarily long meetings and dreading over after hour report writings only to get rejected and demanded for revision the next morning. I hate my job. Or truthfully, I think I hate working in this company for some petty reasons. Everyone, every rule, every room, every meeting and every single damn thing are so lame and hateful but I have nothing solid to justify my hatred. Even worst, I have been thinking like this for at least the past three years and I am still here. Unchanged.

The only good things about still being in the job is that my mind was fully taken away from thinking about him. He'll be away for about two weeks for his school program and another week to be with his parent. Yes, his true biological parent. His dad.

I wonder if this will help him clear up all the confusions and uncertainties. Both of them. His and his dad's.

That evening, my mom called to ask about him and I happily spend some office time gossiping and spilling some juice.

"How was he? Do you need any help?"
"Good, I guess. I am good too, by the way. He knows how to take care of himself. Iron his own cloth, change the dirty socks and shirts, separate those dirty and clean cloth for laundry"
"Really? My goodness, he's just twelve"
"Yeah, His parents taught him well. He even cooked for himself before, though I prohibit that afterwards. He was alone" My mind went back to the time when I found him eating home cooked noodle on the couch. It was 9pm and he was home alone when earlier I was told he will be at my mum's house. I remember I did not like what I saw. And I make sure he understood that.
"Owh, you mean that time that I had to leave him at your house early? My bad, I should have cook something before leaving. He said you scold him a little"

I did. That was during our third days living together and I was nervous. I don't know how to treat him or how he'll treat me. I had no idea what a twelve year old boy is capable of doing by himself, what is ok or harmful or how should I